Frap on the Rug

I spilled a frappuccino on my carpeted floor. So I was googling which product I needed to buy to clean it with and there were VIDEO options, so I clicked on this one.

Watch it. And though you may have the urge to stop watching it, I suggest you keep watching at least until she pats the wet towel with a spoon and says the word "massage" then you are allowed to stop.

ACTING AT ITS FINEST

A Medley of Updates

Things I have learned this summer:

a.) I can't be around high-maintanence people.

b.) I don't like people.

This makes journalism very stressful.

Also I miss driving and Alley Cat chai's.

Also here's a photo of Betty Ford and it's so adorable I might die.

A quote worth your time

I am reading Architecture for Dummies. This is a line from the book:

"For centuries, scholars believed that the legend of ancient Troy was just another tall tale made up by the blind Greek poet Homer."

It's funny the way Helen Keller is funny.

So I'm not sure

What the fuck this is. But I was browsing blogs and this was linked somewhere. I just....I have no idea. Please will someone watch it and confirm that it exists?

Asian Whitney Houston Performs Something Like "The Ring" The Musical!

All is well on the Midwestern Front

So the Monday meltdown was pretty epic. But I ended up successfully interviewing the woman today. She is good friends with Joan Rivers and she said she would love to meet me after her stand-up show this weekend. It's now my goal to somehow weasel my way into meeting Joan Rivers. But as Elaina once texted "You are a girl who almost interviews her heroes." Almost.

But enough about me. I was watching some monologues by Jimmy Fallon for my comedy class which requires me to write two-liners (oops the focus is on me again, sorry). This monologue made me giggle myself into a fit, much like the kind of fit Jimmy Fallon finds himself in after every joke he tells ever:

FallonFallonFallonFallon

CAUTION: I linked the whole episode, just watch the beginning monologue. Medvedev.

Fireworks my ass

I went to see the fireworks here this evening. It was perfect almost because it had just rained and the skyline looked like purple ships...............which probably doesn't make sense but whatever.

ANYWAYS. Right when the fireworks started, a young gentleman rolled over in the grass to me. Literally rolled down the hill like a 5 year old and sat up right next to me. I was so freaked out. Then he said quickly, "I just got into town, and I haven't met anyone yet." I wanted him to leave because I wanted to watch the fucking fireworks. Then he told me his life story and wanted to know all about me. I withheld as much info as I could. Then he proceeded to tell me he was trying to get clean and was clean for 28 days. Wow. I attract winners. So then his friend came over. His friend was clean for a whole 55 days! Then they talked through the whole of teh fireworks, telling me about a metal concert they attended and how there was a lot of cocaine and ecstasy, but they told me not to worry because they resisted! I was like I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. So proud. Just like your mother.

And then the fireworks ended. They left quickly. Very quickly. Then my phone was mysteriously gone. We tried to call it. Someone picked up the first two times and mumbled. Then they turned the phone off. So someone has my phone and I do not.

For my job I have an interview at 9 in the morning on the phone with a famous stand-up comedian. She is calling me, I do not have her info. Some hoodlum has my phone. I am going to go somewhere and binge eat until I run out of food and then I'm going to watch Arrested Development and try really hard not to cry.

END.

It's like two jokes....

I don't know if I have forced the population of my friends to view this jem yet, but I love it and if I'm having a bad day I like to watch it. Also it gets funnier with time.

Back in the day I didn't think Horatio Sanz was funny. I have changed my mind. He is a genius.

Baked Lays