Frap on the Rug

I spilled a frappuccino on my carpeted floor. So I was googling which product I needed to buy to clean it with and there were VIDEO options, so I clicked on this one.

Watch it. And though you may have the urge to stop watching it, I suggest you keep watching at least until she pats the wet towel with a spoon and says the word "massage" then you are allowed to stop.

ACTING AT ITS FINEST

A Medley of Updates

Things I have learned this summer:

a.) I can't be around high-maintanence people.

b.) I don't like people.

This makes journalism very stressful.

Also I miss driving and Alley Cat chai's.

Also here's a photo of Betty Ford and it's so adorable I might die.

A quote worth your time

I am reading Architecture for Dummies. This is a line from the book:

"For centuries, scholars believed that the legend of ancient Troy was just another tall tale made up by the blind Greek poet Homer."

It's funny the way Helen Keller is funny.

So I'm not sure

What the fuck this is. But I was browsing blogs and this was linked somewhere. I just....I have no idea. Please will someone watch it and confirm that it exists?

Asian Whitney Houston Performs Something Like "The Ring" The Musical!

All is well on the Midwestern Front

So the Monday meltdown was pretty epic. But I ended up successfully interviewing the woman today. She is good friends with Joan Rivers and she said she would love to meet me after her stand-up show this weekend. It's now my goal to somehow weasel my way into meeting Joan Rivers. But as Elaina once texted "You are a girl who almost interviews her heroes." Almost.

But enough about me. I was watching some monologues by Jimmy Fallon for my comedy class which requires me to write two-liners (oops the focus is on me again, sorry). This monologue made me giggle myself into a fit, much like the kind of fit Jimmy Fallon finds himself in after every joke he tells ever:

FallonFallonFallonFallon

CAUTION: I linked the whole episode, just watch the beginning monologue. Medvedev.

Fireworks my ass

I went to see the fireworks here this evening. It was perfect almost because it had just rained and the skyline looked like purple ships...............which probably doesn't make sense but whatever.

ANYWAYS. Right when the fireworks started, a young gentleman rolled over in the grass to me. Literally rolled down the hill like a 5 year old and sat up right next to me. I was so freaked out. Then he said quickly, "I just got into town, and I haven't met anyone yet." I wanted him to leave because I wanted to watch the fucking fireworks. Then he told me his life story and wanted to know all about me. I withheld as much info as I could. Then he proceeded to tell me he was trying to get clean and was clean for 28 days. Wow. I attract winners. So then his friend came over. His friend was clean for a whole 55 days! Then they talked through the whole of teh fireworks, telling me about a metal concert they attended and how there was a lot of cocaine and ecstasy, but they told me not to worry because they resisted! I was like I AM SO PROUD OF YOU. So proud. Just like your mother.

And then the fireworks ended. They left quickly. Very quickly. Then my phone was mysteriously gone. We tried to call it. Someone picked up the first two times and mumbled. Then they turned the phone off. So someone has my phone and I do not.

For my job I have an interview at 9 in the morning on the phone with a famous stand-up comedian. She is calling me, I do not have her info. Some hoodlum has my phone. I am going to go somewhere and binge eat until I run out of food and then I'm going to watch Arrested Development and try really hard not to cry.

END.

It's like two jokes....

I don't know if I have forced the population of my friends to view this jem yet, but I love it and if I'm having a bad day I like to watch it. Also it gets funnier with time.

Back in the day I didn't think Horatio Sanz was funny. I have changed my mind. He is a genius.

Baked Lays

So I don't have any fun things to share.

Mostly I just want to sleep, but I want to sleep knowing I don't have responsibilities the next day. At this rate, this fantasy wont happen until at least Thanksgiving break.

I got an internship writing for a magazine. It's a dreamy opportunity but starting new jobs is just awkward and I'm stressed out the ass. Also 20-30 hours a week unpaid is a bit heartbreaking.

Also I can't figure out how to respond to things on Tumblr, Elaina. So I'm not ignoring you, I just straight up can't figure it out.

SLLEEeeeeep. But probably some Chappelle Show first.

Math Makes No Sense to Me

My suitemate showed me this video, and while I usually am not in tune with British humor, I enjoyed it.

Maths (plural).

Music Viddd

I went to a free concert in the park the other night (featuring Hum and Volcano!), and it was so pretty outside that I was able to ignore the severe amounts of guitar feedback that almost blew out my eardrums.

I later researched Volcano! the band and discovered this. I think it's funny because I'm so very tired:

So Many Lemons

Tourettes

Someone told me today that I swear a lot, which is true. "Almost like Tourettes," they said.

Ta Dah

I've been feeling like Liz Lemon lately...

Last night at a concert a man tried to hit on me.

Probably late 30's or early 40's.

He looked like this:

He asked me if I liked the concert....and I tried very hard to end the conversation. He asked if I wanted to smoke and I said no. Then he argued with me about songs that Imogen Heap played. If you are trying to pick someone up, don't ARGUE with them. Then he asked if I wanted to go someplace. I don't know what exactly he was implying, but I said no.

I then thought, "I am Liz Lemon."

And for you, I present this video clip.

CHEESE

"I have two ears and a heart, don't I?"

Phil Collins has about as much sex appeal as Pete on 30 Rock, but there is just something nostalgic and catchy about this song.

This made my day

Annie Clark is always stunna, of course. I was looking for a live video of "Landmines" and ran into this one, which is nice, but you must watch until about 5:05, when she reaches from her guitar to turn something off and it is magnificent. Just watch it.

Landmine Magic